


Criminal Activity

by longwhitecoats



Category: Spy (2015)
Genre: Awkward Sex, F/F, Yuletide Treat, gratuitous use of the word fuck, poop jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 02:12:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5521592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longwhitecoats/pseuds/longwhitecoats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rayna wants to know if Susan's ever joined the Mile High Club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Criminal Activity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Toft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toft/gifts).



“I don’t suppose you’ve ever joined the Mile High Club,” Rayna sniffed elegantly. The jet was government-issued, so Rayna had been deprived of flying in her usual leopard-print style, and it was making her cranky.

“You realize the pilot is literally _right there_ ,” Susan said. “He can hear you, even though he’s not looking at you. Did you have trouble with object permanence when you were a baby? Look at my hand. See my hand. Now I’m putting it behind my back.” Rayna rolled her eyes. “Do you think I’ve still got a hand? Yeah, I’ve still got a fuckin’ hand.” Susan pulled it out again and waved it at Rayna. “Let’s just keep the conversation work-appropriate for the forty-five fuckin’ minutes it’ll take us to fly back to Washington.”

Rayna studied her nails. She’d broken one of them during their recent mission, and she wouldn’t shut up about it until Susan stopped in a nail salon _during a high-speed chase_ to have them trim it. They threw a $20 at the lady behind the counter and ducked out the back right before a motorcycle came through the store window after them. Susan really hoped store windows only cost about twenty dollars.

“Fine,” Rayna said. “If you want to be pedestrian. I suppose that’s your comfort zone, being fucking boring.”

Susan groaned and leaned back in her seat. “Yup, that’s me! Boring Susan. You know, that’s what they used to call me at the Academy. Except they didn’t, because I was so fucking boring they didn’t remember to call me anything.” She sighed. Her ribs still hurt from where the drug kingpin had hit her with a barstool. Then she’d brained him by cracking an entire table over his head. “Can we just have forty-five—” Susan looked at her watch— “forty- _two_ minutes to chill the fuck out in fuckin’ silence?”

“Yeah,” the pilot called from the cockpit.

“Shut up, Carl,” Susan said. “You’re still on my shit list for arriving late and making us have to blow up that Chevy to stall ‘em.”

“Whatever,” Carl muttered sulkily.

Rayna flounced out of her seat and toward the bathroom. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll just leave you in peace, if that’s what you want. Fuck you.” She did seem genuinely pouty, Susan thought, and she felt a little bad for a minute, but the resounding silence once Rayna had closed the bathroom door was absolutely worth it.

“Ah,” Susan said. “God.” She rubbed her eyes and looked down at herself. Her clothing allotment for this mission was completely shot. The suit and tie she’d been issued were covered in soot and speckles of drug lord blood, and the tie had been sliced off in that knife fight with the really overexuberant sidekick. Even her shoes were sticky from all the shitty back alleys they ran through to get away with the USB they’d recovered.

Susan smiled to herself. They really did do a good job. For all that Rayna was a pain in the ass and utterly lacked common sense, she did know her shit. And, okay, she was kind of a sexy pain in the ass. Susan hadn’t minded going undercover as her butch girlfriend. And she hadn’t minded the copious amounts of sex they’d had in the hotel room, either. Maybe she could get used to this. Rayna could be a useful operative on other cases, too.

At that moment, Rayna opened the door to the bathroom and popped out, stark naked.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Susan hissed, but Rayna just waved, grinning. Susan remembered what she’d said, and groaned, regetting her words. _He’s not looking at you_. The pilot could hear them, but he couldn’t look at them.

“Everything ok?” Carl called.

Susan sputtered. “Fine! Yeah, we’re fine. I just, uh, Rayna just took like a really big dump. And, uh, we gotta find the USB in it. Because she swallowed it. It’s, it’s pretty fuckin’ nasty,” she went on, making hushing motions at Rayna as she grimaced in snobbish disgust. _Put some fucking clothes on_ , she mouthed, but Rayna just wiggled her tits at Susan and made a beckoning gesture that really, really looked sexual. “Yeah, we’re gonna be pretty busy for a while here, Carl,” Susan said. “You just keep—just keep doing what you’re doing,” she said. _All right!_ she mouthed to Rayna, unbuckling and walking to the back of the plane.

“Wow,” Carl said. “I guess you guys are pretty dedicated to the job.”

“Yup, that’s us!” Susan called, as Rayna knelt and started unbuckling Susan’s pants. “Just—super hard workers! No matter how dirty or nasty...” She looked down. Rayna was grinning. “You better not put those fuckin’ bird talons in my cooter,” she whispered. “Because that is no fun, let me tell ya.”

Rayna made a pouty face, but Susan shook her head. “No. I am not gonna try to explain any more vaginal lacerations to my doctor. Can you just focus on that phrase, too? ‘Vaginal lacerations’? That’s just not sexy. Oh,” she said, as Rayna began to lick at her. “Okay. All right, yeah, just let me pull down my—okay. Fuck.”

“You’ve been living—mm—your boring—mmf—your boring little life—for too long,” Rayna said between licks.

“I’m beginning to see your point,” Susan said, and then grabbed a nearby seat as the plane took a dive. “Whoa, Carl,” she said. “We’re doing delicate work back here!”

“Sorry!” Carl called.

“He’s not sorry,” Susan mumbled as Rayna shimmied her pants further down and dug her fingers into Susan’s ass. “Jesus, okay, I’m paying attention. Oh, fuck,” she added, a little more forcefully this time, as Rayna moved from licking to sucking and biting. “Oh, fuck, Rayna,” she said. She was feeling lightheaded, between getting head while standing up and the fact that she was on a _fucking government airplane_ , but somehow the lightheadedness made her tenser, made it easier to— “I’m gonna—” she said, and then she _did_ , she came hard, right there in an airplane cabin with Rayna naked on her knees.

“Whoa,” she breathed. And then: “Sitting down now.” Shuffling her pants back up, she flopped into a nearby seat.

Rayna curled into her lap like a self-satisfied cat. “See.” She kissed Susan, her mouth still wet. Rayna loved the wild and dirty stuff.

“Yeah, okay,” Susan said. “You were right and I was wrong. Happy?”

Actually, Rayna did look happy, which for her meant looking slightly less pissy. She took Susan’s hand and put it on her naked cunt. “Do your job,” she said, and Susan sighed and went to work. Rayna was, as usual, ear-splittingly loud.

After they’d finished and dressed and disembarked (with only a few awkward glances between Rayna and Carl, who was clearly wondering what kind of girl took that kind of pride in her work), they were met at the plane by Nancy, who hugged Susan and took charge of the perfectly clean USB.

“I was so worried when you were late,” she said. “I’m glad Carl radioed in that he’d been held up. I was nearly going to check the plane footage to see if you were on board.”

Rayna stiffened. “P-plane footage?” Susan stammered. “As in, footage of what’s on the plane?”

“Mmhmm,” Nancy said. “They have them in all the government jets. So cool, isn’t it? Like living in the future.” She made a little delighted “eee” noise and touched her shoulders to her ears.

“Yeah, super cool,” Susan said, exchanging a nervous glance with Rayna. “Hey, y’know Nancy, I’m gonna need to get that footage classified, actually,” she said. “Me and Rayna discussed some, uh, criminal information. About criminal activity. Since she is, as you know, a criminal informant.”

“Very criminal,” Rayna nodded. “And there was a _lot_ of activity.” Susan elbowed her. “Ow,” Rayna said, and pinched Susan’s arm.

“Quit it,” Susan hissed, as Rayna tried to start a slap fight. “Classified, Nancy. We need to do that right away.”

“Oh,” Nancy said, as if that sounded terribly exciting. “Well you’re the spy, Susan. I’m sure you know best.”


End file.
